The Exit I'll Never Take

There are many exits I've never been able to take and many more I've taken too late. The worst part isn't even knowing that I would've been much happier had I walked out of that toxic relationship. The worst part is knowing that every exit is also an entrance to something else. Bigger, better, maybe. Maybe not. But not knowing what stood on the other side of that door is like a weight that hangs over me day and night.

I've moved around a lot as a child, so I've never had much stability in my life. Every time I got even the slightest taste at what might be having a home... whether it be in a place or in a person or even in an activity, I jumped at it. When I find myself falling into a comfort zone, I like to stick around. And then I forget that the rest of the world is still waiting for me. Most of the time, I don't even know if I'm content where I am. It's just so hard to leave a home when you've been a wanderer your whole life and all you're looking for is some rest.

I just don't have the strength to walk out that door.

Until I found fashion.

Fashion is equally a home and an escape for me. I'm not a naturally confident person, and fashion is something that allows me to tell people who I am without saying a single word. However, as passionate as I am about it, when I really got a good look at all the facets of the fashion industry this summer, I found it all quite foreign.

I go to a notoriously nerdy school, and I happen to be in the clique of people that doesn't do much with their lives except for academics activities. We are expected to get into Ivy Leagues and win national awards in mathematics. I am not particularly proud of this, but it has shaped how I've lived the past couple of years. When I was suddenly thrust into all things fashion, I recognized my disconnect from society and culture. I have not seen many movies, nor do I keep up with the lives of celebrities. I even find it difficult to communicate with other people my age that I met over the summer. There's a lot left for me to learn.

All of this tells me that a large part of the world of fashion is out of my comfort zone. So now here we are. It's just me and this door. 

Will I take the exit?